The other night I was looking through photos from just last summer and fall... doesn't seem that long ago, but Liam looked so different (I mean, the same, but different, ya know?). I hadn't thought he'd changed so much just looking at him in person, but comparing him to 6 months ago I was saddened a bit. He's becoming a little boy. He's a BIG brother and he is really looking the part.
And he's acting older, like way more independent. He doesn't need us all that often if he has his way. He has his own (strong) opinions and ideas about things, and they are quite the opposite of what we suggest often. He is stringing together not just full sentences, but whole stories and conversations. And he's funny, boy is he funny.
But he's a daddy's boy these days. This started when Nora was born and he often tells me to "go hold Nora, Mama!" when I am playing with him. I'm most often the one holding Miss baby Nora these days because I'm nursing her and she slightly prefers me at this moment, but my husband and I are trying to balance both of these situations out where I can spend more one on one time with Liam and him with Nora.
On the nights that it's my turn to put him to bed, once he's gotten over the horror of it being me, we read books in his bed. As books are winding down, he'll look at me and say, "cuddle, Mama," which pretty much melts my heart, even though I am sure it's just a procrastination tactic (he's so good at this). And it works, of course. I rejoice in these moments of cuddling, and I make up stories or we say good night to different things around his room (like in the book, Good Night Moon) and we giggle. My heart soaks up those moments when he is still enough for me to hold him, close enough for me to kiss his cheeks and still enough for me smooth his hair.
In these moments, I feel like he's still my baby, and that he needs me. And although we're still trying to rebalance from becoming a family of four and find our new routine, I think he knows how much I love him. While it stings when he sometimes doesn't initially ask for me first (because he sure use too), I try to remember it's a phase. And hopefully as Nora grows and becomes more independent, it will be even easier for me to balance my time between both my little loves.
For now, I will soak up those few moments that I'm the one coming home to my family, him excitedly running across the yard to me, jumping in my arms and full of kisses (even if he is covered in dirt). Thanks for being my baby boy, Liam!
